Don’t dismiss the intellectual dimension of love

Is “unconditional love” possible? There is no consensus on this matter. But “unconditional love” sounds too good to be true. Do we have to be a saint in order to love others unconditionally? Do we have to be enlightened?

In this article, I want to debunk certain myths and misconceptions about love. First, to love is not the same as to like. It is possible to dislike someone’s behavior and still love him/her. Second, love is not simply an emotion because deep understanding is required.

Love is not possible without understanding, wisdom and insight. Thich Nhat Hanh said, “To understand is to love.” In other words, truly understanding someone is a sufficient condition for loving someone. But to love someone is not a sufficient condition for understanding someone. If you love someone but you don’t have a good understanding of that person(what his/her personality type is, why s/he behaves in a certain way, what his/her aspirations and fears are), this may be the beginning of a troubling relationship.

Despite the mass media’s portrayal, love is not a romantic feeling. It is not an emotion. But love is not an act of will either — since you cannot force yourself to love someone, at least not for long. This is Erich Fromm’s mistake when he wrote his famous book, “The Art of Loving.” I can’t emphasize enough this…