On the “Comrade-Lover”

During this evening walk with my friend, Tony, we talked about what sustains a relationship between a man and a woman.

Relationship advisers have a standard list of key elements of a successful relationship: Compatibility, communication, trust, understanding, respect, honesty, acceptance, etc. Of course, sex is very important too.

In the West, many couples flock to Tantra workshops in search of some kind of deep connection and an erotic love that is both sexual and spiritual. Tantric orgasm seems to be the Holy Grail right now. If you visit a Tantra group on Facebook, chances are that you will see many advertising and promotions of Tantric workshops and gatherings. I have mixed feelings about this Tantric focus. On one hand, it is encouraging to see that people are now realizing that sexuality and spirituality are not in conflict. Tantra is believed to be a way to integrate the polarities. On the other hand, my gut feeling is that the current enthusiasm in Tantra is also driven by hedonism. People are seeking pleasure, although pleasure is not wrong in itself.

There is also relationship expert, such as Esther Perel, who wrote the book, Mating in Captivity. She is bold in revealing the problem with marital sex. It is true that Eros relies on a sense of danger and novelty. Too much familiarity and stability has the potential of killing off Eros.