The Joy-Sorrow of Death

As we advance in age, death becomes less and less an abstraction. It becomes a reality that we have to honestly reckon with.

Some of my friends are having a difficult time. They have aging parents who are either sick or dying. Being good children, they dedicate their time to take care of their parents at their last stage of their lives. I find this very admirable and touching. Last month, I was invited to give a Zen talk to an audience of patients under hospice care. That speaking engagement did not materialize. But death is an important topic. The art of dying is an integral part of the art of living. The Stoic philosopher, Seneca, said, “A whole lifetime is needed to learn how to live, and — perhaps you will find this more surprising — a whole lifetime is needed to learn how to die.” This short essay is dedicated to all my friends and sentient beings troubled by the prospect of death, either for themselves or for their loved ones.

How can we comfort the dying? How can we console those who grieve? How can we find happiness in a world of impermanence?

Most world religions console those who grieve by pointing to an afterlife. But there is an alternative — instead of fighting the law of impermanence, you accept it. Acceptance is an underappreciated virtue. This is Buddha’s approach. In Buddhist literature, there is a story of Kisa Gotami, a young mother who was driven to madness because her infant child died. In her grief, she carried the corpse of her child on her back as she wandered around town. She would not let go…